Republicrat – Democlican

Elephants Ass In a previous post, I mentioned that if I weren’t a Democrat, I’d probably be a Libertarian. Americans really like dichotomies and these are really the two choices. One party believes in big government, the other believes in small government.

I’ve never really been able to wrap my head around what the Republicans believe. They just sound like selfish Democrats. I hear extra subtext whenever a Republican speaks. Just listen:

Republican: “Spend less money” ….unless it’s for one of MY projects, for my cool, rich friends over here.

Republican: “You’re free to do whatever you want” ….unless I don’t want you to do it (e.g., have an abortion, be gay, smoke pot)

Republican: “I have Christian values” …except during election season – and when dealing with anyone who doesn’t agree with me – and when I want to bomb somebody.

See what I mean? My subtext filter is probably just faulty.

A friend of mine maintains that in 100 years, Republicanism will be designated a mental illness – a form of Schizophrenia. Initially, I laughed, thinking he was making a joke – until I looked up the definition of Schizophrenia:

noun

  1. A severe mental disorder characterized by some, but not necessarily all, of the following features: emotional blunting, intellectual deterioration, social isolation, disorganized speech and behavior, delusions, and hallucinations.

Ah. I see what he means [feel free to add your favorite examples].

mental hospital
Mental hospital for the diagnosis & treatment of Republican Schizophrenia

I should probably come clean and admit that at one point in my life I was a card-carrying member of the Republican Party. I carried the card snuggled between my Doctor Who fan club and my Girl Scout membership cards. But once I left the rural Midwest – the home of Apple Pie and All-American values, whatever these are – I swapped my Compassionate Conservatism for just plain Compassion. Once you actually know someone who’s poor, it’s hard to vote for a politician who can’t see why poor children just can’t stop being poor (the youth have no willpower these days). Jesus would have been a Democrat – there’s no way the loaves and the fishes are part of a Republican welfare program.Jesus

But it’s not just the righteousness of the Right, it’s the wearing of ignorance as a badge of honor. So what if every scientist in the world is wrong about Global Warming. All the scientists have been wrong before (sorry guys, but you want the facts. Tell, me again whether Pluto is a planet or not). But the Righteous Right is missing the point.

Weren’t we all taught to be frugal and make the best use of what we’ve got? All Republican Grandmothers out there should take your Republican grandchildren out to the woodshed and give them a whooping for wastefulness. (And if corporations were people, their grandmothers would also give them a ticking off.) The Greens want you to conserve energy and save the planet. Forget the planet, your mother taught you to turn out the light when you left the room and put on a sweater when you were cold.

So, you don’t have to believe in Global Warming to buy a Prius or recycle – do it because it’s one of those All-American values (I knew I’d think of one). Saving the planet is just a by-product.

I’m Jae and I believe that I wrote this message.

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