Constructing Climate Change

Climate road signLet’s assume for a moment that Global Warming is a thing. Bear with me a moment Republicans – at least those of you belonging to the Consistent Clime Coalition (The CCC), I know you want to debate this issue, but I’m starting to think that scientists and Republicans belonging to the Shit Happens Anyway Mob (SHAM)1, have a point.

1 SHAM Republicans believe that the climate is changing but we’re not causing it.


I live in the American Midwest, so if Global Warming is a thing, I won’t be underwater (probably) and it might be nice to own some beach-front property, but I’m also aware that I might be trampled by all of you Coastals moving inland – else I’d have to eat you since my food supply would take a severe hit if the planet heated up. This is a real shame because I’ve managed to be a vegetarian for 15 years and I’m not really ready to give it up.

So, let’s assume that Global Warming is a thing and let’s also assume that we don’t really want it to happen.

If SHAM is right, we’re out of luck. The planet is trying to kill us (well, you). But if there’s even half a chance that our current life-style could kill us, we should probably do something about it.

Traffic Jam
Cars farting CO2

Now, I can’t do anything about corporations pumping out CO2 by the truckload (you know what I mean), I’ve got to rely on Big Government to talk shop with Big Corporation. However, I do have a car and that’s a problem as well. Not my car specifically, I mean how much damage can one little car do to a great big planet? But if I put my car next to my neighbor’s car and his car next his office workers’ cars and the cars of their significant others and the cars of all of the significant others’ family members and their neighbors – then you can imagine the scope of the traffic jam I’m currently sitting in.

It seems that for all the talk in Washington about lowering CO2 omissions, the Department of Transportation just hasn’t come on board. Most of the traffic jams I sit in, where my car is merrily farting out CO2, are the result of road construction.

I understand that roads need fixing. I also understand that roads must be closed while they are being fixed. What I can’t understand is why road crews need to close 10 miles of road to fix 100 yards of tarmac. It’s not a question of “just in case”; this project is going to take five years. You’re not suddenly going to get a burst of energy and knock out three miles of paving overnight.

Lane endsAnd what’s up with the signage? I agree that you need to let us know that a lane will be closed – but we don’t need to know this three miles out.

There is a definite need for some public service announcements to teach drivers how to deal with lane closures. First: If through some oversight the road crew left a lane open, use it! Second: When you get to the closure, it’s like a zipper, folks. A car in the left lane goes, then a car in the right lane, then back to the left lane. It’s not rocket science.

So, here I sit. Killing the planet.

I’m Jae and I wrote this message at mile marker 12.


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