Ban the Bananas

Banana Gun1 I’m starting a new feature today – Odd News Monday. In point of fact, I believe every day to be odd news day – and Mondays doubly so.

Odd news is sometimes the only section I read in the paper and even the regular news seems very odd to me. Even the reporters can’t always tell the difference. This story, With Monkey on the Lam, Florida Neighborhood goes Bananas, was posted both on the regular Yahoo News and the Odd news.

But I don’t want to talk about people going bananas in this post; I want to talk about a specific banana – The most dangerous banana on the planet.

Headline: Man Arrested; Deputies say he Aimed Banana at Them

Bananas at High Noon. Thanks to Crowdvoice

This dangerous banana is in Colorado. I assume it was imported since I’ve been to Colorado and haven’t seen many banana bushes out there – at least not while my faculties were unimpaired (this is Colorado, where “Get High” is the state motto). What I don’t know is whether it was an illegal import. Frankly, the news report is a bit short on the history of the banana and whether it was purchased legally or not. This is a definite oversight on the part of the press.

Now, I had my suspicions about this story when I read that the arrested man was from Fruitvale, but apparently this is a real place and people can buy bananas there without background checks. They may be able to buy cantaloupes too, but that’s still under investigation.

I can completely see why the sheriff deputies’ were alarmed by this man pointing a banana at them. Bananas look just like guns. So much so that young children often take bananas, aim them at their friends, say “pow pow” and run away. These are, of course, the children of left-wing liberals who don’t gift their children real, look-alike firearms.

I guess the next step is to propose legislation banning yellow guns on the grounds that they look too much like bananas. (I suppose we could instead propose legislation banning bananas on the grounds that they look too much like guns, but that would be silly.) There’s probably a better chance of banning assault rifles. I’m sure color choice is covered under the 2nd amendment – or even under the 1st, freedom of expression. Surely, I should be allowed to shoot someone with a gun decorated any way I’d like.

glock left
Gun Enhancements Covered under 1st and 2nd Amendments.

Apparently, this isn’t the first dangerous banana incident. In 2011, a student was arrested at a sporting event for dressing up in a banana costume. The mascot of this high school is an Eagle, so you can totally see why arresting this student was justified. If this student had attended the University of California – Santa Cruz, he would have been ok – their mascot is the Banana Slug.

But back to the banana attack. In the report, one deputy drew his weapon and the other yelled “It’s a banana!” The order of these events is unclear. I’m choosing to believe that one deputy saw the dangerous banana and yelled at his partner to draw his weapon in self-defense.

The moral of the story is – don’t point at police, even in jest. They have no sense of humor. Next time, eat the banana and leave the peel – maybe they’ll slip on it.

Always Unload Banana Before Storing. Thanks Rand MacIvor

I’m Jae and I appeel this message.


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