Resurrectual Interference

ON bedroom Today’s Odd News comes from Canada and clearly demonstrates that Americans don’t have a lock on religious fanaticism. I may be jumping to conclusions, but I don’t think this family is Episcopalian.

Headline: Hamilton Family Left Corpse Upstairs for Six Months Expecting Resurrection

This is a classic case of government overreach. The headline should read: Government Forces Woman to Bury Pre-Resurrected Husband.

We have a Constitutional amendment giving us the fundamental(ist) right to believe any stupid-ass thing we choose. It doesn’t matter that this story happened in Canada, close enough, our constitution is powerful enough to reach out across the border (as long as it’s our northern border). The government can’t stop me from believing that my dead husband is just having a bit of a nap before being resurrected (though a psychiatrist can). Granted, a six-month nap seems excessive, but husbands can be a bit lazy sometimes. It’s not like this man was Jesus, maybe three days just wasn’t long enough.

What harm was this family doing to anyone? It’s not like dead bodies bring diseases or anything – at least not in the northern hemisphere. We long ago eradicated cholera once we started burying the dead. Again and again doctors say that there is no risk of disease from the dead and leaving dead bodies in the upstairs bedroom does not pose a public health hazard. Anyway, this woman wasn’t stupid, she sealed the room. “Pre-resurrected husbands really smell out the place,” she told reporters.

When asked why her husband particularly should be resurrected when millions of others hadn’t, the woman pointed to the local cemetery and told reporters that it was filled with people who just weren’t trying hard enough.

canada bates
Bates Motel – Branches Everywhere

It’s not like we haven’t seen this before. There’s even a hit TV show about it (and here) about successful resurrections. The most famous case of government resurrectual interference was in the case of young Norm Bates, who had waited 10 years for his mother’s resurrection, but this was just Psycho.

When police were asked why they felt the need to intervene in what was obviously a personal family matter, a spokesman replied “If we let Mrs. Wald keep her dead husband in the upstairs bedroom, than we’d have to let everyone keep their dead husbands in the upstairs bedroom.”

The court was quick to point out that the woman’s religious beliefs weren’t crazy – she was; an obvious tactic to avoid being sued under the Free Exercise Clause. As part of her plea with the court, the woman agreed “not to do that again.”

The story ends happily, however. The woman, despite government harassment, hasn’t lost her faith. Even though her husband is now institutionally interred, it’s just a matter of time. Jesus’ followers didn’t give up just because the police stopped by one Saturday. Mrs. Wald has been seen visiting the local cemetery carrying a shovel, just in case.

zombie

This woman’s struggle against the government reminds us all that blind faith trumps all reason. Laws of nature aren’t God’s laws. If we want something badly enough we just have to pray hard enough. Eventually God, like any father, will give in.

I’m Jae and if I pray hard enough this message will get 1,000 likes.

Advertisements

6 thoughts on “Resurrectual Interference

  1. the woman pointed to the local cemetery and told reporters that it was filled with people who just weren’t trying hard enough.

    I’m with her 120% on this one. I’ve been trying to resurrect my credibility for over four decades…. two more to go and I will have it.

    Like

Comment

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s