The Suck-it List

Anti bucketIn response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Kick the Bucket.”

The Daily Post had an interesting prompt today: creating an anti-bucket list. I don’t usually participate in these Daily Posts for the simple reason that I don’t write that fast. Sure, I can write 500 words in one day, but can I write 500 words that make sense all in a row – AND are at least mildly amusing? That’s really the challenge.

While traveling in Maine, I came across a restaurant with a “Before I die…” wall outside. I can’t imagine how long the waiting list was to prompt the restaurant to install such a wall, but it seems that most people’s bucket list is fairly modest.

NE13 Portland Before I Die 4
Before I die…. or get seated… wall

I’ve done a good number of things on this list. I have in fact met a monkey and gone to Austin – though admittedly not at the same time. This got me thinking of things I’ve done – but that I never want to do again:

I went to my high school reunion once. Never again. It was filled with old people who drank too much and had a million amazing children (so they said).

Fly out of the Santorini airport. Don’t get me wrong. I loved Santorini, but the airport is an absolute zoo. Security is optional – so are chairs – and the number of people shoehorned into the space wouldn’t fit in the Superdome.

Skiing. Because I’m from Colorado, everyone assumes I’m an ace skier. But I grew up in Kansas, Colorado (eastern plains), not many mountains around. Anyway, it’s not really skiing if you slide down the mountain on your butt.

But this isn’t really an anti-bucket list. I’ve already done these things and, as often happens in life, I learned from the experience.

I do harbor secret fantasies about going on the Amazing Race, so I might be persuaded to jump out of an airplane or repel down the world’s highest building, so I won’t put any of these crazy things on my anti-bucket list. But then my husband points to the challenge where the contestants have to eat monkey brains or some such and my enthusiasm fades a bit.

RACE

Which leads me to my first anti-bucket list item:

  1. Eating monkey brains

I know the Chinese love these things, but ick. This item is really a placeholder for all the other things I have no intention of eating in my life: Rocky Mountain Oysters, Frog’s Legs, Haggis, Tongue, Sweetbreads (it’s not what you think), and anything with eyeballs. None of this, “try it and you’ll like it” lie that my mother fed me. I’m not even trying these foods.

  1. Run a marathon

I’ve never thought running was a good idea. By the time I was 8 years old, I had 100 excuses for why I couldn’t run around the 400 meter track during PE class. I did once think that I could run a 5K, but around 3K, I started asking myself philosophical questions like “Why Bother?” and ran to the nearest frozen yoghurt stand.

  1. Karaoke

This has nothing to do with the quality of my singing voice. I’m just allergic to making an ass of myself.

  1. Go up Everest

There are very few places on my no-go list. Even Chernobyl would be a bit interesting and I wouldn’t even mind wearing the special tourist attire. It just seems that the trip up Everest would be a bit same-y, same-y – how many pictures of snow can I take? And the shopping is a bit limited.

everest shopping
No-Go Everest

I’m sure there are other things I never intend to do, but life has a funny way of happening. Never say “never” (Karma will hear you).

I’m Jae and I anti-disapprove this message.

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