Grammatica Editus

???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? For those of you who have been reading my blog (you know who you are – peeking over the blog fence to see what I’m getting up to), I know you’ve been dying to get out the red pencil and edit my grammar.

Don’t bother. Grammar rules are like speed limits – they’re fun to break.

grammar police
Grammar Police. http://termcoord.eu/2014/08/sound-grammar-police/

It’s not like I couldn’t have an A-1 perfect blog posting every time; I live with a member of the Grammar Police (AKA my husband). But the price I pay for good grammar is a lecture on the past participle – or worse, the past perfect progressive. The price is just too high. So, I’ve hidden all the red pencils in the house.

At least the auto-correct feature on my word processor fixes most of my spelling errrors [sic]. And an occasional grammar error [sic ‘em, good dog]. Unbelievably, I was in the top spelling group at school until about 3rd grade. That’s when my skills topped out and it’s been downhill ever since.

And it’s not that my teachers didn’t try to impress upon me the importance of diagramming sentences, I just never saw the point. It just put language on a leash and I wanted my language to be wild and run free.

I searched around a bit and was able to find an auto-diagrammer online (hurray for technology!) But other than turning my blog into an art exhibit (or a tube map), I’m not sure how I would use this in real life.

diagrammed sentences 2

tube diagram

To my surprise, when I checked with the Grammar Police to see if the computer had diagrammed the above sentence correctly, he looked at me like I was mad and asked me what diagramming sentences was. What! After 30 years, I find out that diagramming sentences is a special type of American educational torture!

comma sign
Commas Per Sentence Limit. Watch for Grammar Police.

And what’s up with all the disagreement over commas. I just close my eyes and throw in a few, but some people are really uptight about them – especially about “Oxford” commas. Apparently, there’s a pro-Oxford comma faction and an anti-Oxford comma faction. Occasionally, both groups show up in shiny armor and fight to the death. No one seems to have a problem with “Cambridge” commas or the “University of Sheffield” commas. I wonder if there’s a sponsorship deal to be had here. Maybe I can sell shares in semicolons.

Don’t even talk to me about apostrophes. I haven’t even decided if “Wits” (“Wit’s”?) needs one or not. Depends on what day you ask.

I looked up the top 5 grammar mistakes to see if I’ve hit them all.

At least I don’t write very many run on sentences unless I’m writing about something complicated with lots and lots of different ways of viewing the situation like when I’m writing about politics especially Sarah Palin I just love to go on and on (and on) about the stupid last thing shes’ done which I think was she taking a swipe at Obama via Ferguson.

Note: I’ve left the above sentence comma-free to allow you to exercise your own creativity. Feel free to add commas where ever you’d like (English teachers do).

I’m Jae and I know you’re surprised that I could even write this message.

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4 thoughts on “Grammatica Editus

  1. Ooooooo, I HATED diagramming sentences. On the other hand, I’d love to find a parts of speech highlighter as rewriting tool. You know..firm up those nouns, amp up the adverbs, tune the adjectives.

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    1. You make it sound so fun – “amp up the adverbs”. Maybe there’s a rock band in here somewhere … introducing the lead singer VERB, with NOUN on lead guitar and ADVERB & ADJECTIVE in the backup group.

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