The Great Computer Crash of 2014

Error MessageMy computer bricked last week.

I’m not sure at what point “brick” became a verb but I’m reliably informed by Wiki-Knows-Everything.com that this is in fact a real techno-term. Equally likely terms for what my computer did might be “door stopped” or “paper weighted” or “fell out the window.”

I suppose I should have been expecting it. 6 in computer years is about 120 – way too old for a Toshitsu, but I just couldn’t put it down.

It didn’t matter that the computer was held together with duct tape or that the track pad didn’t work as well as it should or that it had a 2-1/2 minute battery charge. Sure, it was a bit slow and randomly shut down sometimes when it got tired, but these were the things that made my computer unique and endearing – not reasons to pull the plug.

This was all just hardware, anyway. It’s all those programs and files lovingly installed that gave this pile of circuitry a personality.

I did try to save my trusty sidekick, but the end came suddenly. One day, I was merrily word-processing blog posts, photoshopping goofy images, googling odd news and generally being witty about the world and the next day nothing – not even the BSOD1.

1 Blue Screen of Death. I’m so glad Windows 8 added the emoticon, without it I wouldn’t know how to feel about my computer crashing.

BSOD
What the BSOD Really Means

After my initial bout of pounding on desks (and desktops) and inventing new swear words because I’d grown bored with all the standard ones in the more common European languages, I tried PC-CPR on the CPU:

Clean registry, malware, spyware (and bloatware, adware, swimware, underware)

Perform defrag & other maintenance scans

Restart & Restore to Last Known Good Configuration

But to no avail.

Then I tried shaking the computer and blowing on it – don’t ask me why but blowing on faulty electronics works more often than you might imagine – maybe they’re dusty.

etch a sketch computer_edited-1
Stop shaking me. I’m not an Etch A Sketch

There was a brief spark of life as I backed up the last of my files and then sometime in the middle of the night the computer processed its last byte and died. I awoke to find it cold. My PC was no more – it was an ex-processor.  It had cached out.

I’m not ashamed to admit that I shed a little tear.

Then the panic set in. Without my computer I would be destitute! All I had left was my iphone and my iPad and my iPod and my office computer and an old computer that my computer had replaced and my husband’s computer and his backup computer and his office computer. I mean it would be like living on a deserted island!

But my destitution was not to be. Just hours before my computer went toes up and joined that great big Arcade in the sky, I’d found a shiny new computer under the Christmas tree.

So, disaster averted and the Great Computer Crash of 2014 became the Great iTunes Migration of 2014 (seriously, this took me forever).

And I’ll mark this as the day that I found out my husband is a Precog.

I’m Jae and this message has performed an illegal operation and will be shut down.

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