Cruzin’ into 2016

Cruz 2016Isn’t Ted Cruz looking svelte these days? Has he lost some weight? Maybe he’s on the same diet as Chris Christie – the Presidential Diet. Eat only good healthy American foods (I’m sure we have a couple) and run from unpopular issues.

I suppose everything doesn’t have to be about running for President, but who am I kidding? This is multi-billion dollar enterprise – of course everything is about the Presidential election.

And it’s 2015! The election is practically tomorrow!

Christie diet
Way to go Christie! Looking very Presidential!

These days, you need to be thin to look Presidential. Look at Romney and Rubio and Ryan and Paul and and well, everyone else in the field. Every last one of them looks like they jog 10 miles a day. And it’s possible that Rubio eats only elvish food. The Democrats are just the same. Even Granny Clinton looks like she’s aging well.

Not since TV was invented have Americans elected someone less than photogenic – at least by political standards – and we have elected a couple of “hotties” – don’t tell me JFK didn’t get a GQ-bump. In fact, we haven’t elected a fat president since Taft. America is definitely sizist when it comes to our Presidents.

But Cruz’s physique isn’t what standing between him and the Oval Office.

First, he’ll have to first prove he is eligible to run for President and not Prime Minister of Canada. The jury’s still out.

Most think, like Obama, his American mother is his passport into the Presidency, but those pesky foreign fathers keep getting in the way. I expect Cruz is going to have to go 10 rounds with Trump over his birth certificate. Well, probably not, Trump’s a Republican – I expect a blatant demonstration of political hypocrisy.

At least Obama was born in the U.S. – well Hawaii – close enough.

Cruz probably shouldn’t be protesting immigration reform until he knows his Presidential status. He might end up deporting himself back to Canada – or Cuba.

At least he has already dealt with the name issue. When Cruz entered politics, no one could have imagined that someone named Hussain could possibly become President.

It’s not like he’s named after anyone famous or a Biblical character. Rafael Cruz might be ok if he were courting the Hispanic vote, but he’s a Republican, when have they ever been interested in winning the Hispanic vote? Oh, Republicans say they care, but then they pass laws deporting Hispanic grandmas back across the boarder. No right minded Hispanic would vote for a candidate that supports grandma-deportation.

Anglicizing his name wouldn’t help. Ralph isn’t any better – everyone would just be thinking about the movie King Ralph – and now we’re back to the fat jokes.

KING RALPH
President Ralph – One Man’s Quest for Power. Staring Rafael Cruz. Coming in 2016 to a Theatre Near You

I suppose I should spend a minute talking about what Cruz actually supports, but I just can’t be arsed. As far as I can tell, his politics are somewhere right of McCarthy, but maybe not quite as off the deep end as Sarah Palin’s.

It’s not like I’ll be voting in any Republican primaries anyway. I can just stand back in 2015 and watch the “thinning of the herd.” Ideally, the GOP will take each other out before the Dems have to step up to the plate.

I’m Jae and I ate this message for breakfast.

Note: The Cruz button (above) is real – I didn’t photoshop it. It can be purchased from ebay.

Advertisements

3 thoughts on “Cruzin’ into 2016

  1. I just got back from a cruise. Didn’t see Ted though, despite taking off from Texas.

    I am not sure why those who don’t like Ted criticize him. Don’t they know that criticism makes us stronger? If progressives used the intelligence they so often credit themselves with, they would criticize progressive problems rather than harking on conservative flaws. Focusing on conservative foibles only makes conservatives pay attention to what needs fixing. If the left wants to critique their own flaws, may I suggest they begin with the blue states that are financially worse off then Greece because of unsustainable pension promises.

    Like

    1. I don’t have a problem criticizing the flaws of the left. I’m an equal opportunity cynic.

      I’m not sure we should vote for anyone who actually wants the job. Being a politician should disqualify you from holding office.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Sorry for getting all polemic on you. I still have a holiday hang-over from the tribal chest thumping of my large and contentious family. Someone said, if you get two of us together, you will have three opinions.

    Still, I will leave you with this, a heart-warming story of a politician.

    Back in the 1980’s, I attended a neighborhood meet and greet with then Congressman Martin Sabo. He wanted to talk about all kinds of things but this was Minneapolis and anti-nuclear activists hijacked the meeting.

    Well into the Q & A session, one of the activists lost it emotionally. She broke down, weeping. Sabo asked the crowd to take a break. He left the podium and sat down beside her to comfort her until she regained her composure. It was the sweetest thing I have ever seen a public figure do.

    Like

Comment

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s