Isn’t Ted Cruz looking svelte these days? Has he lost some weight? Maybe he’s on the same diet as Chris Christie – the Presidential Diet. Eat only good healthy American foods (I’m sure we have a couple) and run from unpopular issues.
I suppose everything doesn’t have to be about running for President, but who am I kidding? This is multi-billion dollar enterprise – of course everything is about the Presidential election.
And it’s 2015! The election is practically tomorrow!
These days, you need to be thin to look Presidential. Look at Romney and Rubio and Ryan and Paul and and well, everyone else in the field. Every last one of them looks like they jog 10 miles a day. And it’s possible that Rubio eats only elvish food. The Democrats are just the same. Even Granny Clinton looks like she’s aging well.
Not since TV was invented have Americans elected someone less than photogenic – at least by political standards – and we have elected a couple of “hotties” – don’t tell me JFK didn’t get a GQ-bump. In fact, we haven’t elected a fat president since Taft. America is definitely sizist when it comes to our Presidents.
But Cruz’s physique isn’t what standing between him and the Oval Office.
First, he’ll have to first prove he is eligible to run for President and not Prime Minister of Canada. The jury’s still out.
Most think, like Obama, his American mother is his passport into the Presidency, but those pesky foreign fathers keep getting in the way. I expect Cruz is going to have to go 10 rounds with Trump over his birth certificate. Well, probably not, Trump’s a Republican – I expect a blatant demonstration of political hypocrisy.
At least Obama was born in the U.S. – well Hawaii – close enough.
Cruz probably shouldn’t be protesting immigration reform until he knows his Presidential status. He might end up deporting himself back to Canada – or Cuba.
At least he has already dealt with the name issue. When Cruz entered politics, no one could have imagined that someone named Hussain could possibly become President.
It’s not like he’s named after anyone famous or a Biblical character. Rafael Cruz might be ok if he were courting the Hispanic vote, but he’s a Republican, when have they ever been interested in winning the Hispanic vote? Oh, Republicans say they care, but then they pass laws deporting Hispanic grandmas back across the boarder. No right minded Hispanic would vote for a candidate that supports grandma-deportation.
Anglicizing his name wouldn’t help. Ralph isn’t any better – everyone would just be thinking about the movie King Ralph – and now we’re back to the fat jokes.
I suppose I should spend a minute talking about what Cruz actually supports, but I just can’t be arsed. As far as I can tell, his politics are somewhere right of McCarthy, but maybe not quite as off the deep end as Sarah Palin’s.
It’s not like I’ll be voting in any Republican primaries anyway. I can just stand back in 2015 and watch the “thinning of the herd.” Ideally, the GOP will take each other out before the Dems have to step up to the plate.
I’m Jae and I ate this message for breakfast.
Note: The Cruz button (above) is real – I didn’t photoshop it. It can be purchased from ebay.