Speech! Speatch!

red barnI don’t usually watch political speeches. They’re generally full of “political promises” which is code for “lies” – sometimes well-intentioned or overly optimistic lies, but porkies all the same.

That, and I spent eight years avoiding George W.

Truly, my avoidance bordered on pathological. It’s not that I disagreed with every word out of his mouth – well it wasn’t only that – but something in his demeanor reminded me of a spoiled child smirking at me. I just wanted to slap him and send him to his room without supper.

The Smirks of G.W.

But sometimes I just have to stand around and watch the train crash, shake my head and wonder how it happened. That’s what happened this week with Sarah Palin’s speech to the Freedom Summit.

Palin’s speeches gets a lot of air time mainly because no one knows what she plans to say next – not even her speech writers – not even Sarah Palin. Sometimes I watch her speak in awe wondering how she got out of bed this morning, but mostly she makes me want to stick my fingers in my ears and say “la la la la la” over and over.

But, even by Palin’s usual oration standards, this week’s speech was a disaster.

I can only say that if one of my relatives – even my hard-core T-party relatives – started talking like Palin did at the Summit, I would immediately rush them to the emergency room. I think it says a lot that no one thought that Palin’s behavior warranted medical attention.

Word from her camp is that the teleprompter malfunctioned. This is as may be, but she’s been campaigning – well, starring in the “Me” show – for the best part of 6 years. Surely by now she can rattle off 30-minutes on her favorite soapboxes. I think her speech writers have been covering for her. She really can’t speak in complete sentences – thoughts just swirl around unburdened by logic or grammar.

Palin sppeech
Even I don’t know what I’m saying.

The rest of this week’s post is a response to Palin’s Free-Speech. Political positions appearing in the following speech are random. Any resemblance to a coherent political position, real or imagined, is purely accidental.

Today, I want to challenge streamline target transparency and stop strategic global warming.

Street gangs and Exxon Mobil executives know I protect delicious apple pies and stopping Fox News media moguls exploitment of cheap overseas labor, brave firefighters and bald eagles. Chinese factory workers undermining job creators and megachurches’ right to police the world.

I protect prosperity, our hard-working families and our right to support bi-racial postage stamps. I work for America and our commodities markets unlike myself, know where unstable nuclear regimes can be highly-paid internet lobbyists.

I have faith in our iPhone apps, our right to accrue foreign debt and our freedom from racist pharmaceutical companies for our innocent children and our innocent children’s chili cheese dogs.

Know that I wants an America – an America where terrorists can’t destroy our video games and suicide bombers can’t take away our precious arrogance supply. My Washington will work for an America where al-Qaeda insurgents and right-wing radio propagandists can’t make a mockery of our cherished national parks.

Be a stakeholder, a global citizen in Big Society not an elitist fast food chain. North Korean dictators cannot corrupt our love for God, tootsie rolls, and the United Way.

I’ll leave you with this quote: “The realism of independence is sensibly closed-minded in its bureaucracy ideal and reinforcement.”

I’m Jae and don’t pay any attention to this message.


2 thoughts on “Speech! Speatch!


Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s