Veggie Haters

ISIS vegetarianJohn Stewart recently aired a Moment of Zen that stopped me in my tracks. Lindsey Graham (my favorite southern graham cracker) discussing ISIS. I believe he was trying to make a serious point, though the point was probably, as always, “Go, Republicans! Boo, Democrats!”

Here’s the quote that got my attention:

“[ISIS has] adopted a theory of religion that’s 1,000 years old that requires a worldwide caliphate that will purify the Islamic religion, kill or convert every Christian and Jew and vegetarian in their way.”

Put aside the 1,000 year crack – it’s not like Christians and Jews have a swish new modern religion. I get that there are Islamic extremists in the world and that they might be on a crusade against Jews and Christians (it wouldn’t be the first – or third, or tenth – crusade). But what have we poor vegetarians got to do with anything?

This is serious. If there really is a War on Vegetarians, I need to know about it!

I’ve been a vegetarian for nearly 15 years. Lacto-ovo since you ask. I was a Pescatarian for a while, but I couldn’t pronounce it, so I gave it up. My husband is technically a Flexitarian – which means he’s a vegetarian when he’s too lazy to cook.

chikpea

Middle eastern food has always seemed very veggie friendly, so I was surprised by Graham-Crackers’ announcement. Does he know something I don’t? Were new ISIS threats reported in the last secret CIA briefing? Has ISIS released a new video that I’ve missed or have they been seen eating at a Gordon Ramsey restaurant?

ramsey
Gordon Ramsey threatens vegetarians.

This is the first I’m hearing of an ISIS fatwa against vegetarians.

I’m often persecuted in mid-America for my vegetarian beliefs. There are many restaurants that – de facto – ban vegetarians. It’s not like the hostess asks at the door, but when even the salad has bacon on it, I know that I’m not welcome. Many high-end restaurants and fast food joints freely (and snootily) admit that “we don’t do that kind of thing here.” [Real quote from restaurant hostess when asked about vegetarian options.]

Until Lindsey’s public service announcement, I had no idea the persecution had gone global or was cause to arm myself!

But maybe Grahamps is confused and doesn’t realize that vegetarianism isn’t a religion. Maybe he thinks it’s a form of Hinduism. I can’t blame him, there’s no way a Republican would know better. Most Republicans don’t even know a vegetarian (or a homosexual or an atheist). A vegetarian Republican is an oxymoron.

graham
Thanks Justin Rosario http://bit.ly/1N2D6ka

“Vegetarianism” is synonymous with “Communism” (see the words even rhyme) and “Liberal” and “Hippie” and “Tree Hugging” and “Prius Owning” and “Global Warming.” Vegetarians are all pacifist, pinko-liberals who live in Boulder or Berkeley.

Vegetarians are Dems or Indies or Greens or Commies. Red-blooded Republicans eat meat – of the red and bloody variety. There’s no way Sarah Palin is a vegetarian – she skins her own moose. Just to be safe, the initiation into the GOP probably takes place in a steakhouse.

I can just hear Giuliani saying, ”I do not believe that vegetarians love America. What kind of pinko liberal doesn’t eat Freedom Fries?” He’s right, of course, vegetarians don’t eat McD’s french fries – they aren’t vegetarian – at least in the U.S. of A.

Really.

I’m Jae and this message was powered by tofu.

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3 thoughts on “Veggie Haters

  1. Too funny. I hadn’t heard about that statement. At least as a vegetarian, you can be reassured you have a healthier colon than the red-meat eaters!

    “Flexitarian”—Ha, great term.

    Like

  2. Yay for messages powered by Tofu! 😀 I am a “flexitarian”, but I’m starting to wonder if there is something in excessive red meat eaters that affects their ability to discern dietary behaviors from religious affiliation?

    That quote surprises me, too. I thought Islam was a religion about peace, and also against eating certain meats; especially pork?

    Like

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